


without the bitter

by flymetomanchester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2009, 2009 Dan Howell, 2009 Phil Lester, Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Phil's POV, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flymetomanchester/pseuds/flymetomanchester
Summary: age is just a number, until it isn't and phil is questioning what he has with dan.





	without the bitter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [palomeheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palomeheart/gifts).



> I had so much fun writing this! I have plans for a sequel honestly at some point.
> 
> Disclaimer: Smut isn't my thing really, so I apologize for any inconsistencies.

Pacing back and forth in his bedroom, Phil ran his hands through his hair. Under his eyes were dark circles from not having much sleep the last few days. It wasn’t exactly his fault though, even though it was. He was up most hours of the night on the phone. It was to the point he would wake up Kath, his mum. She would come in and lecture him slightly about waking her up. Naturally, Phil would apologize, although he was 22, but he wouldn’t go to bed as he promised. He would turn his computer back on and go back to Skype.

He would go back to Skype and talk for another few hours. He’d talk with someone who he came to realize meant the world to him, more than the world it would turn out. No one knew though, they all just thought Phil had met a close friend, and that is all he wanted them to believe.

But the truth was that Phil thinks he was in love. Falling at least. There was just something there that wasn’t there with his other friendships. Maybe it was the feeling of closeness to someone that Phil longed for for so long. Throughout his university years, he told lies to make himself seem more appealing to others. More so as a way for him to make friends. Not many people knew the true side of him. No one really had ever stayed around long enough to find out.

Throughout his university years, he had started making YouTube videos. Something that brought him a small amount of joy which blossomed into something bigger.

“Phil,” his mum yelled from downstairs, interrupting his thoughts.

“Uh, yeah?” he yelled back, hoping his voice wasn’t too loud. Compared to his mother’s voice, his voice was much harsher and violent in a sense. His voice echoed much more against the walls, carrying itself much more than hers.

“Come down here please.”

Everything in Phil jumped to a screeching halt at that moment. The text he sent her had gone through, and now he had to deal with the aftermath. He wasn’t sure which part of the text had gone through, or even if that was the problem at this point. But it was all that he could assume.

His feet were heavy. It felt like he had weights around him, making him unable to lift them. Oh, how he wishes this was true. He wished that the message never had sent.

His phone, which laid on his bed, lit up and dinged.

**14:03 dan: did she say yes?**

Phil didn’t bother opening it yet. There was no need, especially since he didn’t have an answer that he could give to Dan. Nor was there really a reason he had to potentially give him false hope of something that he couldn’t promise.

“Phil,” Kath yelled once again from downstairs. “Now please.”

Forcing him to swallow the discomfort that was lodged in his throat, he headed downstairs. Something was feeling unsettled inside him though. With every step that he took, he could feel the ground shake beneath him, sort of like the stairs were going to give out from under him and he wouldn’t be able to save himself.

Rarely did he ever feel like this, only when he was younger and did something wrong. Something that he knew that would get him into trouble. But this shouldn’t have this feeling. He was an adult. So was Dan. That was all that mattered. Or was it?

Was the fact that he and Dan were adults enough? Yes, they both could run away if they wanted and not get in trouble. But there was something else digging at him deep inside.

Dan had just turned 18, not long ago. A few months. He was still practically a child in most people’s eyes. Phil interacted with him first before he was 18. It was nothing bad, just him interacting with a fan it seemed. That was all that it was then, at least, that’s all it was.

Turning and walking into the kitchen, Phil bit his lip. Kath was putting things away after being at the shops for most of the day. She was the person to do everything at once, that way she could relax and enjoy the day instead of having to worry. A trait Phil himself, unfortunately, didn’t get from her.

“Hand me the cereals,” she said, finishing putting the dry things in that cupboard.

Nodding, Phil dug in the bag and pulled out a few cereal boxes. He walked over and helped her put them in the places she always had them.

Phil could feel the sweat beading in his palms. It was causing his hands to feel tacky, or even clammy. Kath hadn’t said anything yet. At least not about Dan.

She knew about Dan. How couldn’t she have? Phil never shut up about him, to begin with. He was happy, and he didn’t want to shut up about it. Kath didn’t mind either way. Phil would come into her room at night and tell her about Dan, or something funny that Dan had told her. And she enjoyed it. There was nothing more than she wanted than for Phil to be happy.

But Dan’s age never came up in conversation.

That was something that Phil kept secret. It wasn’t that he was ashamed, or embarrassed about their age gap. It was he wasn’t sure how others would react to it. Dan was four years younger than him. Phil had already graduated from university, and Dan hadn’t even started yet.

Unfortunately, that just wasn’t something that he couldn’t ignore.

It was hard too. It was hard to ignore the fact that this person Phil had become so close to, was so young. He always wondered if Dan’s parents knew about him. He just wondered if they did know, what they thought? Did they wonder if Phil was some sort of malicious person who wanted to take advantage of Dan? Or did they think things far worse?

Sitting down at the table, Kath motioned for Phil to sit as well. Hesitantly, Phil joined her. He sat across from her, avoiding looking at him.

“Phil-“ she pushed her hair from her face momentarily - “I don’t know if I can in good conscience say that Dan can come over.”

It was like a freight train smashed into him quickly. A quick sense of panic and betrayal almost.

“Wh - what?” Phil stared at her, “But you said?”

“I know. I know I said he probably could, but Phil, he’s 18. You’re 22.”

She was right.

Phil knew she was, and it hurt. It was different hearing it from someone else. He could convince himself he was overreacting, but when someone else, someone like his mum, confirmed it? It was different. There was no denying that.

“He’s an adult though mum.”

“He’s still a child Phil. No matter how you look at it, Dan is a child. I don’t know if I would have let you go off and meet someone so much older when you were his age.”

“Mum,” Phil said, “Please, I just want to meet him. There’s something different about him.”

Kath shook her head, “I’m sorry Phil. It’s just not happening.”

He refused to cry in front of her. He absolutely refused to. A searing pain rose in his throat as he could feel the weight of this crashing into him. He had been hyping to Dan how amazing it would be if he came down and all the things that they could do together. He didn’t really have a second plan now, other than to tell Dan.

Phil got up from his chair and turned on his heel. He felt like he was in slow motion and he could feel his mum staring at him. It wasn’t in any malicious form, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless.

Heading back upstairs Phil wiped the tears from his eyes in annoyance. Falling down onto his bed, he completely ignored his phone. Dan was one to text him multiple times and although he never cared, he did this time. Instead of the usual butterflies, he got when noticed he could only feel the guilt.

Curling up, Phil stared at his wall. He pulled the blanket over his head and hoped to escape from his problems. Phil never really was one to get lost in his thoughts. There were some cases of it happening, but only ever really in dire circumstances, and he wasn’t sure if he would count this as that. It was something, but it wasn’t that.

There was a dull ache in the back of his head. Phil was prone to headaches, so this wasn’t that alarming to him. But whenever his emotions were tied in, for some reason his headaches always felt worse. It may have been him tricking himself into believing that, he did that a lot. But the dull pain would only grow more and more intense until he had ended up with a migraine that he couldn’t get rid of. It was one of those ones that taking tablets couldn’t fix for some reason.

As the pain in his head got worse, he pulled the blanket tighter around himself to block the light from coming in. At this point the light only burned his eyes, and so did his phone each time it lit up. It was probably Dan texting him or DM’ing him through Twitter, which he often did when Phil didn’t answer him. Not that Phil minded, it made him feel special, wanted even. Something that he hasn’t felt for such a long time.

He didn’t want to lose that feeling.

Maybe it was why he was clinging to Dan so much. It was unhealthy, it had to be, a 22-year old whose best friend was a newly 18-year-old? There was something, alarming about it.

-

Lulling himself out of his sleep, Phil rubbed his eyes and stretched. His skin was warm and he could feel the heat radiating off himself and hitting the bed.

_I wonder if Dan is a warm person_ , he thought to himself. Phil often had thoughts about Dan and wondered if Dan thought the same. Sometimes his thoughts worried him. They weren’t always exactly innocent.

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like t0 hold hands with Dan. He wondered what it would be like to have Dan’s hand in his and swing their arms back and forth just to make Dan laugh. He often wondered what it would be like to have Dan’s head on his chest, and his hair tickling the undersides of his chin. Would it be as glorious as he could have imagined?

But sometimes he had thought that he couldn’t help but to have. Phil often had thoughts that would make his toes curl with excitement and arch his back with desire. The kind of thoughts that would make Phil’s breath hitch to where he thought for sure he’d stop breathing if he didn’t think to do it. Phil thought about how bad he wanted Dan in almost every aspect. There was just something thrilling in his mind to wonder what it was like to have Dan go down on him, to have Dan taste every part of him if he could.

But, Dan was 18. Dan was a child like his mum had said, so was this right? Having thoughts so vivid he could imagine it? There were nights where Phil would lay in bed and imagine running his fingers through Dan’s hair as Dan went down on him. How was having these thoughts normal?

What did this say about Phil? Was he some kind of freak or danger to others? Dan was 18. He was 22. He shouldn’t be having these thoughts. It was just that Phil couldn’t help it. Dan was Dan, and that was something he couldn’t ignore. There was just something deep down he couldn’t shake about Dan and just how special he was.

Dan never failed to make him smile. Whenever he was talking to Dan all his worries seemed to disappear and timed stopped. Not literally of course, but for him it did. Whenever he and Dan were texting or on the phone talking time didn’t exist.

Dragging his hand down his face Phil groaned and sat up. His bed felt huge although it was moderately small and barely fit himself anymore.

Reaching over he grabbed his phone and checked it.

**21:09 dan: philllll answer me**

**21:11 phil: Sorry, I fell asleep**

**21:12 dan: right right, answer your Skype loser**

Phil swallowed hard. He didn’t know if he could handle talking to Dan. He knew that his nerves may get the best of him and his thoughts may run. They often do when he’s talking to Dan.

Phil’s phone went off, the familiar sound of the Skype ring tone. Sighing, Phil clicked the green icon to answer and turned his camera off.

“About time!” Dan said, “I was getting lonely.”

 

Phil looked at his phone, smiling to himself when seeing Dan. Also because Dan couldn’t see him, he could let his fondness for Dan shine through. Butterflies erupted in his stomach and sent him sky high. It was like he was over the moon almost, but then it felt like he could throw up. Almost like he was choking on his own spit and on the verge of puking.

Something inside him just hated seeing Dan in this light and he must have never realized this before. Unfortunately, it was swaying his entire point of view on Dan right now. He couldn’t think of Dan this way. He was so much younger than himself. If he was older this wouldn’t be a problem would it?

“fPhilll,” Dan sang, dragging out the ‘L’ in his name. “Answer me.”

“Yeah, yeah sorry,” Phil muttered.

“What’s wrong? You’re never this quiet,” Dan asked, “And the camera is off.”

Phil bit his lip, of course, he couldn’t tell Dan what was the matter. He didn’t want Dan to be upset or make him feel bad about his age. He couldn’t help it. Neither could Phil. There was nothing that either of them could do to change a thing about the situation. Maybe it was Phil’s fault for being interested in someone so young just because they had similar interests.

He didn’t think it would skyrocket to this point though. Now the two are always talking, there isn’t a day that goes by that they don’t talk to one another. Phil was grateful for that. He was grateful that there was someone who he could be truly honest with and who seemed like the perfect friend for him. Dan and him so far never argued. The only thing that potentially would cause an argument was if the two disagreed on a song or a movie so to say. But even then it was nothing dramatic. It was more like friendly banter in a way, where Dan would playfully criticize Phil for his choices.

“Uh no - nothing. I’m fine.” Phil lied through his teeth. He felt guilty lying to someone. Especially when that someone was Dan.

“Phil,” Dan said in a much more serious tone than before, “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Just a long day ‘s all.”

Phil could hear Dan sigh. There was a hint of sadness almost mixed with annoyance that Phil could pick up on and he hated it. He never truly annoyed Dan that he knew of, and he hated the feeling that he had.

“Quit lying.”

Dan knew Phil better than Phil knew the back of his. And Phil knew this. There was almost nothing that Phil couldn’t keep from Dan. In someway Dan always would find out. Phil always was careful what he posted on any sort of social media he had since Dan would be able to easily see. Usually, if Dan saw anything that could be worrying or taken as Phil was sad Phil was met with a call from Dan or a spam of text messages to make sure he was okay. And Phil appreciated that.

Sighing, Phil rubbed his eyes.

“Mum said no,” Phil said almost defeated.

“Oh.”

Phil tilted his head back and blinked quickly. He was hoping it would stop the tears that he could feel coming back to his eyes. He refused to cry in front of Dan, just like he refused to cry in front of his mum. It just wasn’t something that he wasn’t willing to do.

“Phil,” Dan said softly. Well, as softly as he could considering he was on Skype and the audio wasn’t the greatest. “Is that what’s wrong?”

Phil wasn’t quite sure how to tell him the truth. How could he? All he thought he could do was lie and say that was the problem. Well, technically if he thought about it, it wasn’t exactly a lie. It was part of the problem, but there was much more that lied beneath the surface. Yet he wasn’t going to tell Dan that and take even the slightest chance of ruining what they have.

“Y-“ Phil sighed, “Yeah.”

It was almost like he could hear Dan nod. He was used to Dan just nodding at times when he didn’t know what to say.

“Did she say why?”

“No.” Phil lied.

Dan didn’t question anything further after that. He knew that doing that probably wasn’t the way to go. Phil would lie too if he tried pushing anything more to find out the truth. Dan learned the hard way that Phil was like a wall when it came to how he was feeling. Phil never opened up easy, it took a lot of prying and begging sometimes. Even then, it wasn’t guaranteed that it would work.

-

After the long night, Phil had he didn’t want to face the next day. Well, he said long, but he was on the phone with Dan most of the night, well into the early hours. Kath came in once telling him to go to bed as usual, but then again, he didn’t listen.

Dan had taken over talking most of the time. Telling Phil about his day and how he had spent the day with his brother at the shopping centers. Phil wasn’t sure if it was for a late birthday present or not.

The light was shining in through his window, luckily not down on his bed. When he was at university the sun would shine in on his face and it always woke him up early.

There was a moment of sweet ignorant bliss that he had before he remembered what his problem was. For a moment there was nothing awful on his mind. There was just a reminder that he would probably call Dan later tonight and that he was meeting up with a friend, PJ, later on, to catch up. He says catch up as if they haven’t seen each other in years when they saw each other just the other week.

Other than Dan, PJ was the only person that Phil really trusted with a lot. Granted he did tell Dan a lot more than he did him. It wasn’t an intentional thing, it was just Dan seemed to be more easy to tell things to. Almost like he was less judgmental in a way. PJ wasn’t intentionally that way, sometimes his physical reactions just said more than he knew. Once Phil had made up a story that he got laid at a party while in University but PJ knew it was highly unlikely. But his reaction said a lot and Phil instantly regretted what he had said.

Picking his phone up off the ground, Phil checked his messages. This for some reason became a daily habit even though he told himself he was going to stop checking his phone first thing in the morning. Phil squinted at his phone not able to read anything, It took a moment before it clicked that he didn’t have his glasses on.

“Crap,” he muttered and reached over blindly trying to search for them. Once he finally found them, he put them on and read the few messages that he did have.

**09:23 pj: Hey wanna meet up at the coffee shop on Tib street instead?**

**09:46 dan: phil wake up loser**

He answered PJ quickly, agreeing to the change of plans and tossed his phone to the side. Standing up carefully, he placed his hand on the wall to keep his balance. Phil was a clumsy person, but first thing in the morning after he had just woken up it was worse.

Going over to his wardrobe, Phil stared in at his clothes. He didn’t want to wear something fancy to meet up with PJ since there really was no need for it. But he didn’t want to not try at all. His mum had raised him better that way than to not care about his appearance. Even though there were sometimes that he wasn’t what he was doing, most times he tried.

Grabbing one of his tighter fitting flannel shirts, one that complimented his upper torso nicely he thought. It was a deeper crimson and black color and luckily for him, the fabric was soft. He also grabbed a pair of plain black skinny jeans that went with it and headed to the bathroom.

Inside was humid, so someone else must have been in here showering not too long ago. The floor was still wet as he carefully placed a towel down and stepped onto it. Taking his glasses off and setting them on the counter, Phil took his top off and tossed it onto the floor. Following shortly after, he slid out of his sweatpants, leaving him only in his boxers.

Part of him could only wonder what Dan would think if he saw him right now. He hoped that possibly Dan would want him like he wanted Dan. But he wondered if Dan would be disgusted and turned off to the idea of Phil. There was something thrilling and exciting to him to imagine Dan the way that he did.

Shaking his head, Phil turned the shower on and adjusted the water. Dan’s a child, he reminded himself. Phil stripped out of his boxers and stepped in. he hummed as the hot water hit his back at first before stepping back into the flow of it. Letting the water run down his body, Phil leaned against the bathroom wall.

Just as before his mind ran with thoughts of Dan like before. Thoughts of desire and what he wished he could do. In his mind was a vivid picture of Dan. One wherein a different reality Phil was with him and could do what he imagined with him. In his mind, Phil was threading his fingers through Dan’s hair, as Dan was on his knees in front of him. Phil could almost feel the heat of Dan’s mouth around him.

Yet, sometimes the tides turned.

Phil wondered what Dan’s dick looked like. He didn’t have much of a gag reflex, so he wondered if he could take him all in his mouth. He wanted to be in front of Dan, he wanted to be the one to make Dan feel good. If Dan even liked that.

Would it be nice to shower with Dan? To have him so close to Phil in a way. Imagining Phil being able to pull him flush up against himself and be so close. Their lips barely parted and so close Phil can feel his breath. He could almost feel Dan’s hand on his chest, making his skin scream with pleasure. Dan could do almost anything to him and he would enjoy it, cause it’s Dan.

Phil could feel the blood rushing down to his cock as he felt himself slowly harden. He was surprised that he lasted this long, whenever he thought of Dan it didn’t take long before he was hard. His skin was heating up again. A feeling of lust washed over

Caving, Phil reached down and wrapped his hand around his dick. Squeezing gently he moaned quietly, parting his lips slightly. The sensation coursed through his body, almost making his thighs shake with pleasure. His breath hitched and he slowly started to pump his hand.

He moved his hand further to focus on his tip. Twisting his hand, he slightly moved his arm. His lips parted again and soft sounds escaped from him. Placing his hand on the wall, Phil kept himself standing. He ran his thumb through his slit, sending shivers up his spine. Tilting his back slightly, Phil had let out another moan.

As Phil felt himself getting closer and closer, something changed. Suddenly his hand felt on fire, and something painful smashed into him. The air was almost knocked from his lungs and suddenly he was coughing.

In the put of his stomach was an uneasy feeling. It was almost as if guilt and lust were turning and mixing into a new concoction inside him. One that he had no idea how to fix.

It was honestly now surprising to him that he felt this way. Feelings and thoughts of Dan that he couldn’t control would in a way would, it would take control of him. He didn’t want to say anything to anyone, because it was his own fault of course. But maybe that’s what it would take for him to get over this.

Dropping his hand, Phil felt tears make their way to his eyes. It was wrong to have these thoughts of Dan. He shouldn’t wonder what sex with him would be like. He shouldn’t wonder what it would be like to have Dan as his own. He should just be happy Dan is his friend for God sakes. Not lust over an 18-year-old who didn’t want him back.

Shamefully, Phil finished his shower and turned the water off. He had turned the cold water on more to help him wake up, and hide the fact that he had been crying. Or, at least he hoped that it would create the idea that he wasn’t.

There was a knock on the door that scared Phil and made him jump.

“Phil,” Martyn said, “Hurry up will you? You aren’t the only one who lives here you know.”

“Ye-yeah, sorry.”

Stepping out, he quickly dried himself off and changed into his clothes. His pants fit snug against him, and his shirt complemented his torso in a way that he liked. Guilt had fully replaced any sort of lust he felt. It just made him feel more and more like an awful person for what he thought of Dan.

Luckily for Phil though, he didn’t have his phone at this moment so he couldn’t see the text message Dan had sent him.

**10:34 dan: i’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you still aren’t having the best day, but love you**

Walking out of the bathroom, he was met with his brother standing on the opposite side of the hall on his phone. It was obvious that he was annoyed and Phil worried about making it worse.

Looking up, Martyn sighed in relief. “About bloody time, what the hell were you doing in there?”

“Showering?”

“What were you wanking or something? You never take that damn long.”

Phil could feel the blood rush to his cheeks. He looked guilty, he could feel it deep inside of him. Someone would find out. Someone would find out and know just how awful of a person he was.

Martyn must have noticed the sudden shift in the way Phil was acting. He must have and Phil could tell he did.

“Phil? I’m just messing with you lighten up.”

“Ye-yeah. Sorry.”

He couldn’t tell Martyn, could he? No, he would think the worst of his brother if he knew. He’d have to eventually. Maybe not today, but someday. He couldn’t hide it forever could he?

Martyn never was one to judge him. Although throughout the years they didn’t always get along, Martyn was always there when he needed him. Right now Phil needed somebody, but he didn’t know who. He didn’t know who would listen to him, or be able to help him.

If he told Martyn maybe he would feel a bit better. That was a possibility he supposed, being able to have it off his chest for a moment. But he knew that moment of relief wouldn't last much longer before it settled back in him.

“Phil? You alright?” Martyn asked waving his hand slightly in front of Phil’s face. Phil must have spaced out thinking about it and just didn’t realize it.

“Ha-“ Phil started to say, but the words got tied up in his mouth and he just couldn’t make himself finish. He couldn’t.

Martyn stared at him and cocked his brow. What was his brother possibly up to? Phil rubbed his eyes and turned on his heel. He headed downstairs, ignoring the stares from his brother.

Usually, his house felt like home. The idea of bringing Dan up felt like home. It felt like heaven and one that he desperately wanted. His own personal heaven if you will. It seemed like it was so close, but something that he couldn’t reach just yet. Or maybe it was just a willful dream that he would never have.

-

Luckily the weather was nice for once. Usually, it was raining and the temperatures were dropped down. The streets were dry and people were happily walking about.

The coffee shop that PJ wanted to meet him on was a bit of a walk from his house. By that Phil meant it was a 15-minute walk and he was just dramatic. He hated most sorts of exercise, so anything that could even resemble that was a turn off to him. Usually, he would have gotten a taxi, but for some reason, he felt silly doing so.

There was only one thing that worried Phil. PJ didn’t know about Dan, at least anything more than what he saw on twitter. PJ thought they were friends, but that was it, and Phil didn’t know how to tell him. PJ was always the one that Phil ran to for advice | in most situations. He was always calm and collected compared to Phil. Yeah, Phil could be calm and collected but sometimes he wasn’t. It wasn’t uncommon for Phil to get all flustered and not know what to do.

And that was exactly this situation. Except it was less of Phil being flustered and more of him feeling guilty.

He still hadn’t answered Dan. Or even looked at the messages. He told Dan wouldn’t question it, and just think maybe he was sick or busy most of the day. Phil knew he was lying to himself though. Dan would question it later, just because he worries about Phil. Phil also knows Dan is worried about losing him. Just because Phil is the only real friend Dan’s ever had who cares for him deeply.

Turning the corner, Phil headed down Tib street. The coffee shop was just ahead, and it was one that he hadn’t really been to yet. He heard good things about it, but he just never went there. He had always gone to someplace like Starbucks instead.

Opening the front door, bells chimed and Phil looked around. It was nice, the lighting was soft. It was like a welcoming invitation almost. There weren’t that many people there yet thankfully. Crowded coffee shops were something Phil hated. Well, anywhere crowded really.

Phil stood there a moment, looking around for PJ, who he didn’t see anywhere. Which was much to his surprise. PJ was always early for things, even meeting friends.

 

“Great,” Phil muttered to himself.

Sighing Phil turned to head over to the counter to order something. The bitter smell of coffee whipped around him and he oddly felt at home. For some reason the smell of coffee always made him feel at home.

_I wonder what Dan smells like_ , he thought to himself. Is it comforting? Will it remind him of happiness every waking moment?

“Phil!” PJ’s voice rang from the left, and Phil whipped his head to the side. PJ was standing up and heading his direction and a smile crept onto Phil’s face. He noticed that PJ was still straightening his hair, only to have it look like a teased mess in a way. He had black on with a small pop of color, and his glasses were pushed against his face.

“Hey,” Phil said, as PJ had finally made his way over and hugged Phil. PJ wrapped his arms around Phil before stepping back.

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I got you a macchiato.”

Phil nodded. “You know me all too well,” he laughed.

PJ shook his head and went back over to where he was at in the far corner. Papers were scattered on the table next to his laptop and there were two drinks and a plate of food, mushrooms, eggs, and toast to be exact. Phil sat across from PJ and took a drink of his coffee.

Humming, Phil sat his cup back down. “That is amazing, oh my god.”

“I knew you’d like it, PJ chuckled, “This place has the best coffee and food.”

“Does that explain the mushrooms?” Phil shook his head. He hated mushrooms, yet PJ loved them and he didn’t understand why.

“You leave me and my mushrooms alone loser.”

Phil chuckled and shook his head. PJ had gone back to taking a bite of his food and looking at his laptop. Phil looked around at the coffee shop as a few more people had come in. Their quiet voices as they chattered carried through the place. Compared to them he and PJ were loud as can be.

“So what’s new? Cause you know, you don’t answer your phone anymore,” PJ said looking up from his laptop.

What was new? Well, there was Dan. PJ didn’t know much about Dan. Dan was a mystery to him and Phil wanted to keep it that way. Of course, PJ knew that they were friends, but Phil didn’t let PJ know anything about Dan. He couldn’t tell someone one thing about Dan, and Phil liked it that way. But he couldn’t if Dan would become a bigger part of his life as he wanted. There was just no way to keep Dan and PJ away from each other and to keep Dan a secret from PJ.

“Not - nothing uh much really.”

“Oh come on-“ Phil stared at him- “You’re a terrible liar.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You can’t lie. So come on, spill.”

Phil sighed and fiddled with his coffee cup. PJ stared at him, taking a bite of his toast. Looking to the side, Phil tried to avoid his gaze. Discomfort bubbled in his stomach and he sighed.

“Dan wants to meet up,” he mumbled and rubbed his eyes.

“The kid from your twitter?” Phil nodded and PJ continued. “What’s the problem with that?”

“I - mum won’t let him come down because he’s 18.”

PJ stared at him. Bad choice. Phil knew that telling him was wrong, he knew it. He should have listened to his gut. Now PJ would think he was weird as well. What 22 year old would want to befriend an 18-year-old and think it’s okay?

“You want to meet a kid who says he’s 18?” PJ asked.

Phil hesitantly nodded.

“Dude, be careful. You want to meet with someone who says he’s 18. That can go wrong in so many ways. He could be lying and be younger than he really is.”

He was right. What if Dan was lying about his age? That would get Phil in trouble, wouldn’t it? It would get him in more trouble than he could even imagine and he didn’t know if he could handle that.

“Y- you’re right,” Phil mumbled and sighed. “You’re right.”

**Author's Note:**

> link to tumblr post


End file.
